FACE OFF: Thor (2011)
Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
Distributed by: Marvel Entertainment
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Tom Hiddleston
Official movie website | Trailer
Critic: Jason
Full disclosure, I do actually like
this movie. Just not nearly as much as Tara. It is hard for her to
go a single day without mentioning the Thor. It is kinda like a
little kid with Pokemon, its all Squitle this and Pikachu that. If
Tara was ever weaponized as a drinking game we would all be dead from
alcohol poisoning. I do have some problems with the movie though.
Let me paint a picture, a blonde man
wearing tight jeans gets out of an expensive car and pushes around a
nerd. Did you hope that everything turns out well for Mr. Blonde? If
so you just got behind every 80s movie villain that wanted to close
your rec center.
That's right, Thor is an 80s cheese ball movie
villain. He starts out the movie as an arrogant man-child who throws
temper tantrums when he can't get his way. After three of the
Jotunheites break into the armory, Thor wants to destroy their world.
Punish a whole world for the actions of three Jotdidians. Never mind
Mr. Blonde, he is looking pretty nice. I mean what is one rec center
vs. a whole freaking world of Sons of Jotenheim. Yeah Loki makes a
better try, he is a better character after all, but he is the
freaking villain. He is supposed to do this stuff.
How about the Warriors Three? How the
hell is Errol Flynn and a Ninja Scandinavian? Seriously, and how
about the armor. It looks like it was designed by Tony Stark as
failed Iron Man prototypes. Could they have gone more space aged
with the design? Why not have them be in space suits investigating
Uranus, because it felt like they were investigating Myanus. Also
Thor's accent, could it be more wrong? Seriously how is that
Scandinavian at all. It sounds more like the people the
Scandinavians raided and pillaged instead. Plus the beard is a
disgrace.
Loki is actually better.
Loki character has way more depth.
Poor Loki finds out he adopted and thinks that is why Odin picks his
man-child brother to be king of space town over him and his superior
handsomeness. (Loki fans, AMIRITE?!) So what does Loki do? Outsmarts them all and gets very close to being the space king. That
why Thor went on to be a Huntsman having to kiss Stewart and Loki
went on to be in "War Horse."
You wanted Science?
Jane should have died or at least been
horribly maimed twice in the Destroyer fight. First when the
Destroyer destroyed the gas station. It blows up a 7-11 gas station and
there is barely a shock wave. A Gas station explosion releases a
lot of energy. Simply fire at one and they evacuate a whole block.
An explosion would be more damage faster. She was barely a half a
block away when it happened. Then she is on top of Thor when the hammer
comes back....bringing lighting. A ground shock can have a decent
kill radius. Seriously she was better off with V shaving her for
the bad English accent.
It isn't the worst Marvel movie; that
goes to "Electra." It's just not a very good one. Thor is just a man-child and Loki doesn't get enough screen time.
Random notes and thoughts:
- When the town tried to lift Thor's hammer: “Whosoever lifts this hammer from
the stone is king of Mine Craft.”
- When Thor was trying to lift the hammer
after the mud fight: “Wow this would make a good beer
commercial.”
- After he fails to lift the hammer: “How did he get so clean when Coulson
was talking to him. Did they let him shower and give him a shirt?”
- When Thor gives Jane the notebook back: “How does Thor know about the Hubble
but none of our other technology.”
Defender: Tara
FIRST POINT: LOOK AT THOR. IF you still need further convincing that this is a worthwhile movie, feel free to read on.
Okay, this is my
favorite movie ever. I had to take a day or two to like, not unleash some rage on Jason for hating on my favorite movie and favorite actor. Clearly when he was watching this movie, he wasn't actually looking at how amazing looking Thor actually looks. As Jane says in the movie: "It's a good look."
Thor is a hero - but he doesn't start out that way. That's what makes him appealing. He's not a cheesy 80s villain; he learns to be humble (and human, while he's mortal) and that's the whole point of the movie - that's what makes him worthy. The most romantic part of it is that he clearly recognizes it couldn't have happened without Jane Foster - who, by the way, is a rather kick ass character in her own way.
