Tuesday, January 22, 2013


FACE OFF: Thor (2011)

Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
Distributed by: Marvel Entertainment
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Tom Hiddleston
Official movie website | Trailer 

Critic: Jason

Full disclosure, I do actually like this movie. Just not nearly as much as Tara. It is hard for her to go a single day without mentioning the Thor. It is kinda like a little kid with Pokemon, its all Squitle this and Pikachu that. If Tara was ever weaponized as a drinking game we would all be dead from alcohol poisoning. I do have some problems with the movie though.

Let me paint a picture, a blonde man wearing tight jeans gets out of an expensive car and pushes around a nerd. Did you hope that everything turns out well for Mr. Blonde? If so you just got behind every 80s movie villain that wanted to close your rec center.

That's right, Thor is an 80s cheese ball movie villain. He starts out the movie as an arrogant man-child who throws temper tantrums when he can't get his way. After three of the Jotunheites break into the armory, Thor wants to destroy their world. Punish a whole world for the actions of three Jotdidians. Never mind Mr. Blonde, he is looking pretty nice. I mean what is one rec center vs. a whole freaking world of Sons of Jotenheim. Yeah Loki makes a better try, he is a better character after all, but he is the freaking villain. He is supposed to do this stuff.

How about the Warriors Three? How the hell is Errol Flynn and a Ninja Scandinavian? Seriously, and how about the armor. It looks like it was designed by Tony Stark as failed Iron Man prototypes. Could they have gone more space aged with the design? Why not have them be in space suits investigating Uranus, because it felt like they were investigating Myanus. Also Thor's accent, could it be more wrong? Seriously how is that Scandinavian at all. It sounds more like the people the Scandinavians raided and pillaged instead. Plus the beard is a disgrace.

Loki is actually better.

Loki character has way more depth. Poor Loki finds out he adopted and thinks that is why Odin picks his man-child brother to be king of space town over him and his superior handsomeness. (Loki fans, AMIRITE?!) So what does Loki do? Outsmarts them all and gets very close to being the space king. That why Thor went on to be a Huntsman having to kiss Stewart and Loki went on to be in "War Horse."

You wanted Science?

Jane should have died or at least been horribly maimed twice in the Destroyer fight. First when the Destroyer destroyed the gas station. It blows up a 7-11 gas station and there is barely a shock wave. A Gas station explosion releases a lot of energy. Simply fire at one and they evacuate a whole block. An explosion would be more damage faster. She was barely a half a block away when it happened. Then she is on top of Thor when the hammer comes back....bringing lighting. A ground shock can have a decent kill radius. Seriously she was better off with V shaving her for the bad English accent.

It isn't the worst Marvel movie; that goes to "Electra."  It's just not a very good one. Thor is just a man-child and Loki doesn't get enough screen time.

Random notes and thoughts:

  • When the town tried to lift Thor's hammer: “Whosoever lifts this hammer from the stone is king of Mine Craft.”
  • When Thor was trying to lift the hammer after the mud fight: “Wow this would make a good beer commercial.”
  • After he fails to lift the hammer: “How did he get so clean when Coulson was talking to him. Did they let him shower and give him a shirt?”
  • When Thor gives Jane the notebook back: “How does Thor know about the Hubble but none of our other technology.”   

Defender: Tara

FIRST POINT: LOOK AT THOR. IF you still need further convincing that this is a worthwhile movie, feel free to read on.

Okay, this is my favorite movie ever. I had to take a day or two to like, not unleash some rage on Jason for hating on my favorite movie and favorite actor. Clearly when he was watching this movie, he wasn't actually looking at how amazing looking Thor actually looks. As Jane says in the movie: "It's a good look."

Thor is a hero - but he doesn't start out that way. That's what makes him appealing. He's not a cheesy 80s villain; he learns to be humble (and human, while he's mortal) and that's the whole point of the movie - that's what makes him worthy. The most romantic part of it is that he clearly recognizes it couldn't have happened without Jane Foster - who, by the way, is a rather kick ass character in her own way.

Also, Thor does not want to destroy an entire world simply because three attack. As shown in the movie, Jotunheim and Asgard have had previous conflicts. The real inconsistency here is that in the flashback sequence, when Odin is telling Loki about how he was found, Odin was riding Sleipnir, the magical eight-legged horse - but Sleippie is actually the product of Loki being a female horse who was unfortunately raped. (Still think Loki is better than Thor?)

The Warriors Three, Sif, Heimdall and other figures in the movie are elaborated upon (or created) to fit into the Marvel Universe and the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Ahh! Hogun is Asian and Heimdall is black! So what? Aliens aren't just a bunch of white Viking dudes. All of them are hot in their own way; Thor just happens to be the best one.

There is also a function for Fandral. See, he married a mortal woman (Lady Marian, obviously) and she died. Therefore, when Fandral realizes that Thor develops feelings for Jane (also mortal), he is a bit more understanding than he might otherwise be. Fandral basically had one true love and now he's kind of free about his uh, love. Of her, he said: "Deeply and hungrily, I drank of her eyes...in that instant I knew 'twas destined for this fair maid to enthrall my heart...and be my wife!"

The armor is Asgardian. It doesn't look like anything I've seen before even though it might resemble other components; I think it works. Also, Sif's armor is attractive YET practical. So rare is it to find an armored female in such practical clothing. Why would they wear space suits? Thor does not need a space suit to survive in space so why would he need one on Earth?

Thor's accent is perfectly beautiful. He's basically British, which is the standard for Shakespearean stuff, and the director of the film was likely chosen for his experience with stuff. The actor (Chris Hemsworth) is Australian; you can hear it when he gets super emotional and yell's Loki's name, but generally Thor has an accent to match his bro's. I mean if Julius Caesar can be British and Captain Picard can be British, why can't Thor? Or do we need to revisit the catastrophe that was Bane in TDKR? Because that was kind of a train wreck.

Loki isn't better. He's a whiny brat. So is Thor, but Thor learns to be more than that. Loki doesn't grow; therefore he is not worthy of the throne of Asgard. Thor, however, is. Plus he is better looking, even though Loki's not bad looking either. Thor loves his brother dearly and it's so obvious, but Loki never gets it. Then Thor turns his general attention towards Midgard and Jane and Loki gets angry - not in a sexual way (sorry, Thorki fans) but over the attention. All he wants is for his bro to care about him or recognize his help, and it's his own fault that he doesn't see how Thor loves him and is the ONLY one who truly believes Loki can be redeemed. I predict this will serve Jane poorly in the sequel and that Loki will make good on his promise to "pay her a visit." If he does so, he will risk losing Thor's affection forever.

I agree that the explosion should have done more damage - but there was a deleted scene. In it, Dr. Selvig inadvertently blocks Jane from taking some glass to her person (although he probably would have done that intentionally cause he's like her dad and all basically). Anyway, the scene is kind of cheesy, and where is the Destroyer during all of this? Also, it bugs me that Jane doesn't at least know basic first aid as an homage to her comic book self (in which she is a nurse) or her cartoon self (in which she is a paramedic).

In response to your random notes:

  • I have no complaints about Thor in a mud fight. Ever. Plus, sometimes there is beer. With Chris Hemsworth, in your bunk.
  • I have no complaints about Thor showering and/or being showered. Ever.
  • I do agree that his post-shower shirt was entirely unnecessary.
  • Thor knows about the Hubble because he read through the notebook. He tells Jane she's right about her research and even knows to find the page with the Nine Realms drawn on it. She already had it drawn; he just drew Yggdrasil on the page.
  • The lightning did not damage Jane because Selvig pulled her far enough away from Thor's body. By the time Thor caught Mjolnir, it's assumed that he is once again in control of the lightning, and even though he's probably not over getting hit by a car (twice), he elects not to zap the lovely scientist who has earned his affection.

"Thor" is an amazing movie. It has a phenomenal cast, great pace, and gripping story. The female love interest isn't a nitwit and doesn't take her clothes off; plus it has Thor, and he's just the best. He's such a paladin type but he's still flawed.

No comments:

Post a Comment